Why can God not be a wife?

 Why can God not be a wife? 

In the Caṇḍī Pāṭha, the Devī addresses the messenger of Śumbha with these striking words: 

“Oh, how unfortunate! Truly, Śumbha is lord of the three worlds. 
But what can I do? I have taken an oath —  
only he who is stronger than me in battle, 
only he who can conquer my pride, 
shall I gladly accept as my husband.” 

It is fascinating that no god, as far as the text records, ever approached the Devī with such courage or worthiness. 
The statement is not merely mythic — it is metaphysical. 

In the traditional swayamvara, men sought the bride, and the woman chose — often after a contest of strength or skill. 
It was the feminine prerogative to test, to discern, to accept or to deny. 

In this light, the Devī’s challenge transforms into a cosmic truth: 
To win the Divine Feminine as one’s wife is not an act of possession, but of transcendence. 
The seeker — the bhakta — must become more masculine than even Śiva, 
not in gender, but in spiritual potency: 
strong enough to overcome ego, steadfast enough to face Her fury, 
and tender enough to receive Her grace. 

For the Feminine Divine cannot be claimed — She must be won. 
She yields only to that consciousness which is fearless, disciplined, and worthy of Her surrender. 

Thus the question stands, luminous and radical: 
Why can God not be a wife? 
Perhaps because most devotees have not yet become the kind of lovers who can deserve Her. 

Right attitude in Appeasing the Goddess 

Adi Shankaracharya in this poetic yet heart wrenching composition, Bhavani Ashtakam, has poured himself, from the empathetic position of any and all bhakta. It is said, there can be only one of two relationships possible with Devi- as a child, and as a spouse. While the latter has never been possibly achieved by any bhakta so far, specifically because DevI has told herself (in the DevI mahatmyam) that in order to woo her, one must necessarily defeat her in all her capabilities, it is therefore the position of a child that is open. Hence, in describing her elsewhere (Soundarya laharI 96) she is told as the chastiest of Pativratas, the OG Sati, specifically because none except Śiva (who also is just the male half of herself), could come close to marrying her. 

As a child, repeatedly, Adi Shankaracharya evokes the bhaava of a Mother and her helpless child, helpless by means of being powerless oneself and of circumstances around. This method, as bhakti, is intense as it is. But additionally, this intensity of purging emotions, helps purify and console the mind. But also pride, jealousy, and anger are kept in check. This helplessness sublimates into vairagya, a disgust for the world and for the limited state of oneself. 

Such vairagya, born out of sufferings, agony of life, and with seeing the things for what they truly are, beyond the guises of pleasure, pleasantry, peer pressure and inhibitions, brings enormous focus. 

Hence, the bhakta seeks the one and only OG mother, the Devi. He/she doesn't know why the seeking happens and whether even there is a remedy to his/her woes. But now the bhakta is in such intensity of vairagya and pain, that the beckoning is almost instinctive. There is no logic to it. There is no rationale behind it. There is no hope or conceptualization of a better situation than the current one. There is just the longing. There is just the calf bleating incessantly to it is mother for no other purpose except as an automated response born ever of heart and not the head. 

Devi, the fountain of all jñāna herself, doesn't like sophistry, especially averse to pretense, and more so abhors pridefulness. She says, "you want to show how powerful you are, how capable you are, how scholarly you are, let me test that by my own methods. You want Moksha? Let me test your steadfastness. You want riches? Let me see how well you deal with depravity. You want to be a warrior? Pass these hurdles and demonstrate your grit. 

The Feminine itself is built that way. Not even Adi Shankara dares pose as an accomplished scholar, or Vedantin before her. What of us, mere mortals!! She is won over by only humility if ever by anything.